Cupcakes?

Apparently, Dick Cheney sent Mika Brzezinski cupcakes after she weighed in against him for his "dithering" comments. His response to her criticism was that she seemed cranky. Awww, isn't it cute when your females get all in a snit, maybe at their time of the month. Give her cupcakes like a good little girl, pat her on the head, and let everybody get a good laugh.

Me, I love a good joke, but I'm not laughing. Mika's response was telling: part of her was businesslike in her resistance to the idea and her preference for a real interview. Part of her was girlish in her response, saying she wanted the pink one. And part of her was worried about the calories, as almost all public women do because they must stay slim to be taken seriously. I don't have time or interest to go on a tirade here about the substance and implications of these things. I'd prefer for us all to go out and make a movie called "Cupcake" and explored them via film.

I don't know if the Cheney's meant to demean Mika with the gift. My dad was an executive from the days when it was perfectly appropriate for him to call secretaries and waitresses "cupcake" - as he often did, along with "doll" and "baby." I'll never forget the day in the mid-70's when a waitress shot back angrily that she was not his doll. His feelings were hurt, for he had meant to be nice. He couldn't see that his effort to be nice insulted her.

At that time, I though that the waitress could have said the same thing only been more pleasant about it, precisely because my dad had meant no harm. But that burden on women, that they take an insult, consider the other person's intentions, and then convey their feelings in a non-offensive way, is just too high a standard to be a requirement. If we accept the insult, we feel bad. If push back, we feel bad.

I learned to take my bad feelings and instead of turning them inward and getting depressed, or turning them outward and getting angry, I turn them into comedy and have a laugh with my friends. This is my wish for women through this festival.

Make a 'cupcake' movie. I'd like to see it. I'd like to show it in the festival next year.